BlueBeep and Sadness — Stefan Andreas Scheytt a.k.a. Onkel Dittmeyer

Reposting from 2017-09-05 <> & <> ...

BLUEBEEP ... And Sadness - I now reveal a secret that I kept at his request for many years. Today, whilst searching the net, I discovered that the author of BlueBeep, known as Onkel Dittmeyer, committed suicide on February 2011. I've talked to him a lot over the phone since the 1990s. The last time I spoke to him was in 2010, after my oldest son's birth. We exchanged photos and news. He loved the pictures of our little baby. Today, looking for the first time all his photos on Facebook I realize that he had a rich life, but did not find what he really wanted: love.

The secret I reveal is Onkel's identity. His real name was Stefan Andreas Scheytt, an expert programmer, truck driver, biker, and an absolutely unusual guy. He worked at Microsoft, HP, and many other places, both on systems and other tasks. Here's his memorial Facebook profile:

= = =

Three years before leaving this world, Stefan revealed in a rant titled "Nothing is better than something bad" from 2008-10-14 <>, his thoughts of self-destruction that were to come from far away… He warned. But no one held out his hand.

Stefan Scheytt - October 14, 2008, · nothing is better than something bad


I look around myself and I see everybody enjoying the life I wish I had .. love, laughter, fun, sex, companionship ... and I feel like an alien, like a child pressing his nose against a shop window, I can look but I can never have it.

relationships? never works for me .. eventually, the girl finds out what I sick puppy I am and it's over. jobs? never work out .. I always get fired after 3 months, once my bosses find out how weird I am .. wherever I go .. whatever I do... I feel like people see me as some sort of burden and wonder first and foremost when I'm finally going to leave again.

but what I do know is that somehow the thought of ending it all seems terribly comforting .. I feel like this world never wanted me here in the first place so it's ok if I leave? I just can't stand this much longer .. this feeling in my heart was there all along .. the feeling that somehow here I am not wanted.

not in this house. not by friends, not by girls, not by fucking anyone. and the pain of being an alien is just getting too much.

for many years I tried and tried so hard to still make this life somehow worth living but it gets harder from year to year .. it gets shittier and shittier .. now I'm 31 .. and I don't know how many times I felt so lonely I wanted to poke my eyes out.

I think maybe nothing is better than something bad...


= = =

Here in this text from the BlueBeep documentation, a mention made by the late and dear Onkel:

And here is the sad announcement:

More reminiscences in this Facebook group:

For those who do not have access to this group, here is the post in PDF format:

In Wikipedia:

[Original version in Portuguese here.]

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